What you
should know about Safecalls
Safecalls
is another subject that gets mentioned, but doesn't get
discussed in detail. I've received such good input that it
became necessary to give this subject its' own page.
In this day and age of internet anonymity and kidnappings
shielded by claims of consensual S/m play, a safecall is an
important tool. A tool to be used when meeting someone new,
someone for the first time, or someone met through an
internet encounter.
What
Is a Safecall?
A Safecall is a person who you trust, who you can give
information to about the who, what and where's of your
meeting, who will keep up with you in case of an emergency.
Who
Needs a Safecall?
Anyone who is meeting someone for the first time or anyone
getting together with someone they met at a munch, party or
meeting that they are going to have their first private
encounter with.
But
I'm a Big, Bad Dom Type
How do you know that the 5'2", 110 lb. blonde you got a
picture of on the internet is not really four drunken
hillbilly rednecks that enjoy beating the shit out of
"perverts and queers?"
There's no way that I believe that everyone I spoke with on
the internet is exactly who they claim to be. Do you?
Who
Should You Pick to be Your Safecall?
Anyone that you trust. Someone that will be there for you
and is not afraid to call 911. Someone who is smart enough
to realize that all encounters don't end up good.
What
information should You give Your Safecall person?
When meeting someone over the internet, you already have
their screen name.
Get the full name of the person you are going to meet.
Get their phone number
Their driver's license number
Their address
Place of employment
References
Some people
may or may not want to give out all of this information.
Remember: If something goes really wrong, someone needs to
know how to find you. People who are not willing to give
most of this information, probably have something to hide.
Once
I Have This Information, What Do I Do?
Before meeting with the new person, set up your Safecall.
Give the Safecall person all the information you have
gathered. Also, set up a code phrase, in case things get out
of hand and there's no way for you to tell that to your
Safecall person without giving it away. Something simple,
like "Yes, my mother knows." It's obscure and
doesn't sound to the abuser like a negative statement.
As soon as you meet with the person, call your Safecall.
Tell them you've arrived, and make sure they have the
information.
Call again two hours later to let them know you are still
safe. (Meals and idle chit chat don't usually last more than
two hours).
If you met at a restaurant and leave to go to their house,
or somewhere else, call again with the new location. It also
provides a time line. Again make sure your Safecall has the
information.
Call again in two hours. Either you are about to play or
have finished a two hour session. Either way, two hours is a
good limit for a first encounter. Any worthwhile Dom or sub
should respect that.
If you are staying, call again in two hours. If you plan on
sleeping there, let your Safecall know and be sure to call
before going to bed and upon waking up. If you're going to a
motel, call once you get there.
If you give the new person the name and room number of the
hotel, be sure to call your Safecall every 2 hours until you
go to bed and again when you wake up. Just because a person
is sweet and polite at the restaurant or their house,
doesn't mean they're not opportunists. Bundy and Dahmer were
charming!
Most first time encounters end up fine. Maybe the people
don't get along, but it is not dangerous for either
participant. However, the ones that do end up bad, end up
very bad. As we always say in the SSC lifestyle, "Err
on the side of caution." It's always better to be safe
than sorry...or dead. BDSM is NOT abuse.
I'm not making judgment calls on sleeping with people you've
just met, only to say to remember to practice safer sex if
you choose to engage in that behavior with a brand new
partner that you just met.
What
If I Don't Know Anyone Who Can Be My Safecall?
One good resource for finding people who have been in the
lifestyle for a while and are willing to be Safecalls, even
for strangers, is The National Safecall Network (http://www.dungeonrealm.com/safecalls.html)
NOTE: The URL is not available at this
time, for some reason. When it becomes available, again, I
will relink it. - Bamm!
I would
like to put together a list of people who would be
interested in working on setting up a safecall
network. If you are interested, please contact me.
What a
Safecall Person Does
What
should the Safecall Person Know or Do?
There are any number of different items that could be useful
in helping someone to meet with a new partner. When a person
writes to you to ask you to be their Safecall, if you are
not sure you can do it, point them towards someone who can.
I used to
think that if they would not follow these guidelines to the
letter, than I would not be there Safecall.
However, when a person most needs Me is not the time to
stand on ceremony or pride. Whatever you can get is better
than not getting anything if, god forbid, something should
go awry.
Have the
person writing to you give you their phone number, and give
them a call. You need to protect yourself, as well.
Tell them that
they should get certain information from the person they are
going to meet. These things are listed above and outlined in
the template below.
Tell them to give this information to you, too.
Once you
have this information, try to get an idea of what they are
planning on doing, where they are planning on going and how
long it is supposed to last.
Have a notebook available to write this information down
next to their other information.
If they are willing, help them set up a plan if they don't
already have one.
Once you have done this, get their name and address.
Ask for pictures of one or both people, if possible, should
the need to give this information to the authorities arise.
Come up with a code phrase, such as, "Yes, my mother
knows". It's obscure enough not to raise suspicion and
doesn't sound to the abuser like a negative comment or
statement.
If
you hear the code phrase, call 911.
Do not attempt to go and save the person yourself.
If your caller fails to make contact at a specified time,
assume the worst and notify police.
Most
meetings go off without a hitch. Most times you will feel
almost bored by the monotony of the calls. Usually, if
nothing else, you will gain another friendship through the
conversations.
A template
for you to use is below. Leave room for other information
you may be able to gather and feel free to copy and paste
the template for you to use in your notebook.
- Caller's
Name:
- Caller's
Address:
- Caller's
Phone number:
- Caller's
Driver's License number:
-
-
- Other
Person's Name:
- Other
Person's Address:
- Other
Person's Phone number:
- Other
Person's Driver's License number:
- Other
Person's References:
- Other
Person's Place of employment:
-
-
-
- Code
Phrase:
- Time
of meeting:
- Place
of meeting:
- Date
of meeting:
- 2nd
Time of meeting:
- 2nd
Place of meeting:
- 3rd
Time of meeting:
- 3rd
Place of meeting:
-
-
- Time
of 1st Check in:
- Time
of Next Check in:
- Time
of Next Check in:
- Time
of Next Check in:
- Time
of Next Check in:
-
-
- Time
date completed:
- Notes:
-
-
-
-
|
This is a
VERY important responsibility! If you agree to be a
safecall, DO IT! Someone's life may depend on your
being there.
Thank you
for being a part of this important endeavor.
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